Head East
by iowahawx
Summary: After parting ways their freshman year in college, three years later Paige and Emily are forced on a cross-country trip to go home. Paily AU (technically it hasn't happened yet but let's just go with it).
1. Chapter 1

Highway 101 along the California coast is legendary for its historical drive and scenic views of the California coast. Actually, the whole drive from Santa Barbara to her home in Rosewood, Pennsylvania was going to be unforgettable.

Paige McCullers looked forward to that phase of the drive after her graduation from UC-Santa Barbara.

The five hour stretch between Santa Barbara and San Jose would be the only portion of the trip she expected to have any peace and quiet but a couple hours into the drive she discovers the open road only leads her mind to wandering. She tries so hard to focus on her future plans and get excited about them but as soon as she merged onto the 101 her thoughts betrayed her and the past pushed its way into the front of her attention, as it always does. Rosewood. Her parents. High school. Emily.

Emily.

Her grip tightens on the steering wheel of the rented U-Haul she is driving. It's been over three years but she just can't get over her. Years ago she thought Emily was the perfect human being - her gorgeous body, sweet personality...and that smile. Straight white teeth, cavernous dimples and that one stubborn eye tooth that just refused to get in line with the rest of her smile. But instead of taking away from her perfection Paige always thought it was a deliberate variation by God designed to tease others into thinking she was a mere mortal. But Paige knew the truth - Emily Fields was and probably still is far from being mortal.

She even handled their breakup like she was super-human. Understanding, empathetic...it just made Paige feel even guiltier for ending it all. When her swim career went off the rails Paige wanted to start over somewhere she could focus on reinventing herself and her future without swimming. She had excellent grades so transferring to another school went a bit better than expected - California state schools are notoriously selective in their acceptance processes so she felt lucky to be admitted at UC-Santa Barbara. She found the school's science programs compelling and she really wanted to explore her new-found interest in the field. That meant leaving Emily behind at San Jose State.

They tried the long-distance thing for a few months but it was just too hard not seeing each other and constantly missing each other's phone calls and text messages. There was still a lot of love there, even to this day, but so much has happened since. They both dated and made new friends - Emily settled on an Education major with a coaching endorsement hoping to maybe get a job as a swim coach somewhere.

They had both grown up and apart and everyday Paige felt that empty space Emily once filled. The scale would go up and down but it still gnawed at her for most of her waking hours. She was able to compartmentalize those feelings the closer but she got to this day (helpfully arranged by her parents) the more she was losing control. And if there was one thing Paige did not enjoy it was losing control. Unfortunately fate (namely her parents) had dealt her the most uncomfortable, most anxiety-ridden hand possible.

Yup, she was going to spend the next week with Emily Fields on the road home to Pennsylvania and it scared the shit out her.

* * *

Paige found Emily's off-campus apartment with no problem thanks to the snooty English chick on her GPS. She pulled under the shade of several tall trees that lined the street, next to a pile of belongings labeled and boxed up neatly by the sidewalk. A blond girl, no older than 19, bounced up from her position on the ground and hopped over to the truck's passenger door. Paige rolled down the window and offered her an uncomfortable smile.

"Hi! You must be Paige!" the blonde said. "I'm Hillary and Emily asked me to wait for you while she took one last look in the apartment to make sure she didn't miss anything."

"Oh, okay," said Paige, "I can just put those in the back of the truck if she's going to be long."

The blonde smiled and nodded. "I'm sure she'd appreciate that. She was up almost all night getting things squared away so she's kinda fried." Hillary stops, glances skeptically at Paige, and sighs. "Okay, she's been a mega bitch for days and I'm glad this is finally over with."

Paige knows what she means - her own roommates figured out to steer clear of her the last few days. It seems the stress of the trip was going to wear on both of them, for probably the same reasons.

Oh goody.

Paige hops out of the truck and stretches her neck. Since her swimming days ended she's still suffered with a sore back and neck when she was stuck in the same position for long periods of time. Usually swimmers are able to work through these types of injuries but Paige was so fed up with rehab, orthopedists and special exercises she just said "The hell with it" and walked away.

She never stopped to analyze her reasons for quitting - too much pressure when she was young probably had a little to do with it. At times she wondered if the only reason she stayed in competitive swimming was to be with Emily. She shakes her head as she picks up a box and walks to the back of the truck, unlocks the door and slides it open. There is plenty of room for Emily's possessions so Paige just slides the box along the deck of the truck and turns, almost bumping into Hillary.

"Oops, sorry," says Paige.

"No problem," says Hillary. "I tend to creep up on people, it freaks them out but it's one of the only useful skills I have. Oh that and I am an expert in hot wiring cable TV so we can get all the pay channels for free."

Paige looks surprised, confused and just generally uncomfortable. "Seriously?"

Hillary tosses her box into the truck and the clanging sound of crashing glass isn't much of a surprise to Paige.

"Dad was a cable guy. I watched."

Just then the bang of the four-plex's exterior door draws their attention away from the boxes and toward an advancing Emily.

Paige loses her breath, overcome with memories of the girl she still loves and the reality of the woman who stands before her, looking...well, mega bitchy. Paige had to relent she also looked incredibly hot in her tan cargo pants, Rolling Stones t-shirt and old school Adidas...but mega bitchy just the same.

"Hill, would you shut up and just get to the rest of the boxes? I haven't been within earshot and I'm already sick of your voice," said Emily.

It only took a few minutes to load the rest of Emily's boxes into the truck. Emily and Hillary exchange an awkward hug and goodbye just as Paige climbs into the truck cab and waits for Emily to join her.

Emily jerks the door open and jumps onto the seat, dropping her purse on the bench seat between them.

"Rosewood or bust," she says, her moodiness coming through in her tone.

Paige swings the truck onto the street and grimaces when she steals a glance at Emily thinking, "We're off to a wonderful start."


	2. Chapter 2

Just a quick note: thanks for the follows and the reviews thus far. You will notice a shift in tone for this chapter - and this will probably hold to form for much of the rest of the story. So just go with the flow.

As with everyone else I don't own PLL or anyone affiliated, married to or serving lunch to the show and it's creative team. I just don't have the street cred for that.

* * *

"You're rude."

"Excuse me?"

"You. Are. Rude."

Emily turns to Paige ready to unleash weeks, no, years worth of tension in a fight for the ages. Just as she takes a deep breath in preparation to drop a verbal assault, she stops.

Emily doesn't want to fight. She never wanted to fight with Paige because Paige would always crumble, never having the heart to stand up for herself no matter the argument. Sure, having an undefeated record in arguments did wonders for the confidence the few times they disagreed. Just the same…seeing Paige deflate was the last thing she wanted. She knew it was out of love but Emily never understood why Paige swallowed her pride so often, why she found it necessary to cave even when she was right.

"Why am I rude?" Emily sighs.

"No hello? Even after how long has it been?"

_Two years, nine months and 18 days_, Emily thinks.

"Yeah, you're right."

"So?"

Emily releases a brief chuckle. "Hello."

"Hello back."

Paige returns her attention to the road and eventually Emily turns away to stare out the passenger window. The truck rumbles at an even pace down the freeway but to Emily the passing businesses and traffic are a blur. San Jose is a great city but there is nothing holding her there, she thinks sadly - the result of too much training and not enough fun.

She still is part of the gang of four from high school and she tries her best to keep in touch with Aria, Spencer and Hanna despite the distance. They are her touchstone, losing them would be just too much to bear.

But college friends? She had teammates, roommates, classmates. Lots of 'mates, not many mates, so to speak.

She leans her head against the window wondering how that happened. It only takes a moment to realize she knows exactly why - it's because of the young woman across the bench seat from her. Paige took more than her belongings and history with her to Santa Barbara - she took Emily's hopes and her heart.

She struggles with remembering just how it happened. They were so happy, finally away from the Rosewood craziness and Paige's nut job father. Not that Nick McCullers didn't try to strong arm them from a distance - but Paige herself said it was a lot easier to ignore him on the phone or email than it was when he was pounding on her bedroom door. The distance was such a blessing, allowing them to focus on their relationship and school - a fresh start for them and at first it was perfect.

Everyone close to the swimming program knew Paige and Emily came as a package deal and at first that seemed fine. However, a month into their first semester the outside view of their relationship 'evolved'. Quiet approval morphed into distant whispers and Paige's paranoia started to get the best of her. Her attention to gossip and inattention to the little things with training (proper sleep, diet, etc.) caused her to cave under the weight of expectations and nagging injuries.

Paige then did the last thing Emily ever expected her to do: she quit. Her Paige wasn't a quitter so Emily knew there was something going on beyond frustrating injuries. She lost count of how many times she begged Paige to open up and tell her what she was thinking. But as many times as she asked, Paige's baby browns would well with tears when she said she didn't know.

And then – she was gone. Off to study at UC-Santa Barbara. Emily was well aware of Paige's interest in transferring but she never thought she would actually do it. She still didn't believe it when Paige said goodbye with passionate kisses and sobs on her doorstep in Rosewood.

Paige flew to California just hours later leaving Emily behind in a state of shock that persisted for weeks afterward, up to the time she herself left home for her sophomore year at San Jose State. That whole time the same mantra ran through Emily's head (and if she was honest with herself) still peeked through occasionally: "What did I do? How could this have happened? Why won't she talk to me?" Strangely enough Emily never questioned Paige's love for her but she couldn't understand the silence. Aria, Spencer and Hanna were her sisters and they shared everything but Paige was her love and her best friend and they couldn't talk. It was frustrating and heartbreaking.

As the months went by texts and phone calls went from several times daily to occasional check-ins during the week. Emily understood Paige was really busy – she had somehow gone commando nerd with her interest in computer science – but she was too busy to talk or just gossip or complain about the day? Emily wouldn't have believed it if the Pope himself told her it was true.

At some point communication just stopped and from what Emily could remember they didn't ever technically break up – they just drifted apart. At that point Emily became part of a walking wounded, going through the motions in school and at practice but never really believing this was her life. The _one thing_ she was sure of, depended on and wanted so badly had just vanished into thin air.

As time went on Emily did well in her classes and performed well enough in the pool to keep her scholarship but she was never outstanding. Her specialness had left the moment Paige had tearfully walked away that August morning in Rosewood and without it she was just plain old Emily Fields.

Becoming distant with Paige was such a small mistake but it cost Emily everything.

"So how've you been?"

Emily is jolted from her daydreaming, jumping a few inches off the seat as her heart beats out of her chest.

"What?"

"How are you?" Paige asks. The tension in the cab of the truck is choking her to death so her question was her attempt to chop the stress into smaller pieces. But it seems Emily isn't going to make it any easier.

"Oh, I'm all right. You?" Emily says.

"Not bad."

"Good." And yet more tension. _God, this is like getting my wisdom teeth pulled out with a pliers_, Paige thinks. So she tries again.

"How'd you get roped into this?"

Emily smirks. "I have a Rosewood bank account which has magically taken a nosedive in the balance department."

"Ah, the support angle. Good one, Pam." Paige grins and glances at a passing billboard advertising a local truck stop. Her stomach is growling but she didn't want to stop right away, she just wanted to get to Reno and the hotel they were staying at for the night.

"What about you? What did Nick do to you - or say, maybe?"

Paige sighs, hating to get into her dad's motives more than she had to. "Guilt trip. Heavy and hard core. He gave me this song and dance about how expensive school was when I quit swimming and that I'd be doing _him_ a personal favor by bringing you home - and by him he meant not only Nick McCullers but starving kids in Africa, disenfranchised voters in Florida, those dogs and cats in the ASPCA commercials...oh, and Canada."

"Canada?" Emily replies in confusion.

"Yup, Canada. The whole country of Canada. Especially Manitoba for some reason," Paige says matter-of-factly.

Emily can feel her mood lighten just a bit. "Just when did your dad acquire a sense of humor?"

"After his heart attack last year."

Well, there's a buzz kill. Just as quickly as Emily's mood lightened she was thrown back to Cranky Town. "Whoa, what? He had a heart attack?"

_Talk about bringing down the room_, Paige thinks. Frustration with her nervous yapping is causing her to throw out the story matter-of-factly when in reality she still had a hard time dealing with her emotions concerning her dad. Old habits die hard.

"Yeah, he had to have a triple bypass and was laid out for months. Since then I haven't had the guts to tell him no - of course, these days he doesn't ask for anything too important so it's not a big deal. It's kinda funny, or ironic, I guess - all those years I accused him of not having a heart and only I find out he had one, it just didn't work very well."

Emily can see the pain and confusion in Paige's face about her dad. He treated her like a prized filly instead of a daughter for much of her life so his failing health probably put her in an unwarranted shame spiral. She didn't have to feel guilty but she did, like Paige always does.

Yes, this is about Paige – but at the same time Emily found a way to make it about herself, too. _Dammit, why didn't she call me? Whatever happened between us I would have been there for her,_ Emily thinks. _Why does she have to make everything so hard?_

"Paige, I'm sorry - I didn't know."

"That's all right, how could you have known?"

"You could have called."

Paige lets this go. Couldn't Emily guess she wanted to pick her phone a million times when her dad was in the hospital, a million times more when he was rehabbing at home? Paige caught herself spending whole chunks of her time, five minutes to an hour sometimes, just staring at Emily's entry on the speed dial of her phone. All she had to do was dial #1 and she would hear Emily's melodic "hello" on the other end of the connection. It was really that simple.

But yet, it wasn't. Too much time had passed and Paige figured that Emily had probably moved on anyway. She was absolutely gorgeous and was the sweetest person on Earth so Paige figured Emily's prospects were pretty good after she transferred, probably a lot better than she cared to think about.

Emily chooses to break the silence this time around.

"So your dad planned this whole thing? Even me?"

"I'm not sure how you figured into it but he did the itinerary and reserved the rooms and all that. When he was recovering he got a little obsessed with the internet - now, I swear he's the guy who invented the phrase "there's an app for that"." Paige laughs.

"So he sent me the stop by stop directions he mapped out with little side trips he thought would be interesting - you know, only for a few minutes or an hour or so. He made me promise to get plenty of pictures, too. I printed out his whole nerdy 'plan'; it's in that black binder on the dash."

Emily reaches for the binder and takes a moment to look out the window. The cityscapes of San Jose, then later Sacramento, have morphed into rocky, rolling hills cut through with the winding grey of the interstate. Picturesque, but still lonely. As she glances down at the pages in the binder she tries not to laugh.

"Holy crap this is detailed! And very impressive!"

"I guess," Paige relents.

Emily skims the color pages, gazing at maps and photos of places she figured Nick felt were important. Her eyes eventually catch a small list under each stopover, the contents of which make her almost swallow her tongue and a few of her back teeth.

"Umm, Paige, did you read this whole thing?" Emily asks as she coughs.

"I skimmed it, figured I'd look at it for each part of the route rather than dwelling on it. As long as we end up at our hotel each night it shouldn't be too big of a deal. Why?"

Emily clears her throat but the words still barely leave her lips. "I am looking at a few stops along the route and - - it looks like your dad has lists of gay bars for each place we're staying. Tracks in Denver, The Blazing Saddle in Des Moines..."

"Shut up, it does not!" Paige pleads.

"Oh God, it does so! I can't believe it but your dad is now officially a riot!"

Emily can no longer contain her laughter. Her face breaks into a huge smile and it sounds like her laugh comes from her toes, causing Paige to jolt in lust. She could never get enough of Emily's laugh, she was addicted to it.

Her embarrassment and confusion causes Emily to laugh even harder and Paige laments that she doesn't remember Emily taking so much pleasure in her humiliation before.

"Okay, I'm calling him, there's no way I can wait a week until he hears it about this."

Paige digs her cell from her pants pocket. She dials, her parents' phone rings a couple times before Paige's mom answers. "Hi Mom, how's things?"

"Good! Are you on the road?"

"Yep, a couple hours out of San Jose headed to Reno." Paige glances at Emily who seems very interested in the conversation taking place. Not much else to do but stare out the window, Paige figures.

"Any problems so far?"

Paige doesn't want Emily to keep track of the conversation like she's keeping score so she decides to give as short an answer as possible to her mom's questions.

"Nope," Paige says.

"Any sparks yet?"

Rolling her eyes Paige is surprised her mother took less than a minute to get to that question. "Mom..."

"Honey, I know your dad gave you all these excuses why you needed to bring Emily with you but you know as well as I do the main reason why he did what he did."

Her mother brings the conversation back to the point and Paige is _so_ grateful. "Is he around?"

"He's taking a nap. We had an appointment this morning and that usually tires him out pretty easily."

"Is he okay?"

"Oh, yes, he's fine."

Paige frowns in disappointment. "Don't wake him up then. But I'm wondering - are you sure he didn't fake this whole heart thing so he could mess with my head?"

"Pretty sure, dear."

"'Cuz, the reason I called..."

"What do you need?"

_Could this get any more humiliating? Ah yes it can,_ Paige thinks. "Emily was reading through the itinerary and – crap - Dad put a list of gay bars in there, too."

"I know - isn't that just the funniest thing?"

"Seriously, Mom, come on!" Paige cries, knowing now the humiliation is complete.

"Your dad is having a little fun with you. And hey, if you happen to be thirsty..."

Fed up with the conversation, Paige says, "Mother, I am going to hang up now."

"Okay honey, love you, be safe."

"I will."

Emily turns to Paige, waiting with almost baited breath to hear what happened on the phone.

"Well?"

Paige does a nasally voice trying to mock her mother when she says, "Mom thinks 'it's the funniest thing.'"

"It kind of is."

"Right."

"And besides, if we happen to get thirsty..."

Paige is taken aback by Emily's response, almost-verbatim to her mom's. Her eyes squint as she surveys the twisting road ahead.

"You're really enjoying this, seeing me squirm."

"Yeah, I sort of am."

Shaking her head she looks back at Emily. Her breath leaves her as the sunset glistens off Emily's dark hair, causing a riot of browns, blacks and even a little red to glisten through the sun's falling rays. Paige loves Emily's hair, the texture is so soft and she swears it never snarls because she used to run her hands through it for hours as they rested or studied with Emily's head resting comfortably in her lap.

Paige's eyes darken and suddenly become serious just as Emily senses the change in her mood. Her grin fades and Emily lowers her eyes, flipping through the pages of the binder trying not to ask the questions that crowd her mind. Paige glances back at the road, internally cursing herself for letting her mind go there.

_Yep, it's official, _Paige thinks._ Someone up there hates my guts._


	3. Chapter 3

"I swear luck is not a word in my vocabulary," Paige utters her under her breath and Emily quietly agrees. As the pair pull into their Reno hotel looking forward to a few hours in "The Littlest Big City in the World" something seems off.

Emily gets out and walks around to the driver's side, ready to help Paige if her back kept her from getting out easily. Paige gives her a look clearly telling her to back off so Emily turns and glances around the parking lot hoping to figure out what was amiss.

She figures it out soon after – no lights.

"It's a blackout," Emily says. Paige sighs. "This is not a good start to this whole thing, is it?"

"Sort of shoots some of our plans to hell."

"I'm sure they have generators and stuff. We can still hit the casinos, I bet."

Paige looks skeptical.

Emily knows how tired Paige is – the stress of the day and the pain from her aching back was etched in every muscle in her body. She offered to drive for a few hours into the day but Paige adamantly refused, probably because it was the easiest way to avoid letting her mind wander places she didn't want it to go. "Lucky her," Emily thought at the time.

"Do you really want to do that, hit the hot spots?"

"We can skip it, I guess. I've just never been here before and we are supposed to have fun along the way."

Emily suddenly smiles driving a dagger of fear through Paige.

"What?" Paige asks.

"You wanna try out that list your dad made, don't you?" Emily teases.

"Oh dear Lord, fine, let's go find somewhere to eat and blow some of our parents' money."

* * *

There really is nothing like a casino buffet. Every food under the sun, all designed to make you too physically ill to leave the building – the perfect ruse to get patrons to gamble and gamble badly.

Emily feels like she needs a cart to carry her out of the buffet, she ate that much. Paige follows close behind feeling pretty close to the same way. She cannot resist bottomless plates of crab legs.

"That was a mistake," Emily sighs.

Paige can only reply with a groan and what Emily assumes is a combination of a hiccup and burp. Knowing just how awful Paige must feel she decides not to ask if they can hit the casino tables across the foyer.

"Let's head up to the room," she offers instead. Paige nods and the pair tries to refrain from crawling to the elevator bank.

Arriving in their room they collapse onto their beds. The room is quiet except for the a/c unit cycling clean air through the room. It's a typical hotel room – writing desk, two queen beds, big TV. The curtains are partially drawn giving the room a sunset glow from behind the neighboring Sierra Nevadas.

The low moans from Paige's bed almost drive Emily into hysterics. The Paige she knew never overdid anything – now that she has broken free of the discipline from swimming Paige must have tried many food and activities she wouldn't have before. The idea of finding those things out intrigues Emily – another question to add to the list she started during their ride today.

Emily takes a breath and just as she readies to ask her questions Paige moans loudly and rolls off the bed onto the floor. This time Emily cannot keep her amusement to herself.

Paige hears Emily's laughter and gives herself a few seconds to take it in. Her laugh is wonderful, like the wind chimes on her patio back home. She used to lie by the pool just gazing at the stars and listening to the chimes ring softly in the breeze. So many of those nights Emily was the focus of her thoughts, wondering where she was, who she was with... As she entered high school she let go of those fanciful thoughts and immersed herself in swimming and her studies. But fate and Kati Perry stepped in and turned her world upside down.

_Okay, I'm not going there_, Paige thinks. She gets to her knees and crawls over to her suitcase removing her swimsuit and iPod before rising to her feet. She turns to Emily who is still having a hard time controlling her hysterics.

Jeez, she must not have laughed much in the last few years.

"I'm going down to the hot tub, gonna try to loosen up this back."

"Still giving you problems, huh?" Emily asks.

"Yeah, probably always will, at least if I'm not careful." Paige turns and enters the bathroom to change, exiting a few minutes later with a towel in one hand and her iPod in the other.

"I will be back in a while," she says. She hesitates but turns and leaves.

Emily sits on her bed staring at the door that ushered Paige out of the room. This is all too odd. One moment they are back to where they were years ago and the next second Paige draws the blinds, shutting herself off from the outside world.

When she gets home to Rosewood Emily swears she's going to kill her parents.

* * *

Paige lies back in the hot tub resting her head her folded towel. Luckily the pool area is deserted so she can relax without help from iPod. She closes her eyes and allows her mind to drift back to pools, summertime and wind chimes. As hard as it was loving Emily from afar it was doubly difficult to sit five feet from her and cram all her feelings into the little box she created for them in her heart three years ago. Her hope to compartmentalize her feelings was crashing big time.

She clenches her jaw in frustration because she knows her insecurities are the same as they were back when she was a kid. Time gave her no respite from her feelings of inadequacy with Emily. She was perfect and Paige…wasn't. Granted, she did feel like she had things to offer someone but she didn't have anything on the scale of what Emily needed and deserved.

It was so hard to break away when she transferred. She immersed herself in an unexpected passion: computer programming. She was awful with math and other science courses in high school but a switch flipped her sophomore year and it all just finally made sense. She figured out that programming is less like math and more like a puzzle because the data needs to follow a certain pattern or it just becomes a jumbled mess. The intricacy of programming appeals to her meticulous nature – patterns and structure make sense to her. She wasn't really sure just what direction she wanted to take with a career but she isn't in a hurry to find out since she was accepted for grad school at the University of Colorado. She planned on doing research for a few years, maybe then she would find a path that felt right to her. In the interim she'd live in Boulder and ride her bike every place she could. The city is a haven for outdoor sports enthusiasts so she was looking forward to riding in the foothills and maybe even joining a cycling club. Man, she couldn't wait for the next couple years.

She emits a deep sigh and opens her eyes. The hot tub is gratefully taking hours of tension away from her joints and muscles but the warm water is also lowering her defenses. She is just so mentally tired. She's tired of fighting her feelings. She's tired of feeling like she's not worthy. She's tired of putting Emily on such a tall pedestal. Paige knows Emily isn't perfect but she maintains this idea because this way it's easier to keep her at a distance. She can't let her in again. It might just be the end of her if she does.

When Paige sees she's cherry red from the hot water she wraps herself in a towel and heads back to the room. Freezing air cold-cocks her when she opens the door. Paige trembles but quickly remembers Emily likes to sleep in a freezing cold room because she likes to curl up in her blankets like a bear hibernating in winter. They used to curl up with each other this way. Of course, Paige always ended up kicking off the covers no matter the room temperature which always resulted in a lecture from Emily on the dangers of hypothermia. Paige never minded the argument though – Cranky Pants Emily was one of her favorite Emily's.

Once more Paige gives herself a mental shake. What the hell was wrong with her? _Kindly remove yourself from the time machine, McCullers_, she says to herself. She grabs some sweats and a baggy long-sleeved t-shirt and heads to the bathroom to change into her pajamas, determined to build up her defenses better tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

DAY TWO – RENO

Emily awakens with a start but it only takes a moment to orient herself. Hotel room. Reno. Trip home.

Paige.

She flops onto her stomach and looks to the other bed in the room. Paige is wide awake staring at the white light glowing from her laptop. She bites her lip in concentration before typing a few keystrokes then biting her thumbnail. The light is too bright for Emily to focus properly but she does notice one surprising thing about Paige as she works on her computer.

"Hey," Emily croaks. Paige glances over and offers her a small smile. "Good morning."

"When did you get glasses?" Emily asks, not really caring about the answer, just asking the question to distract herself from what those glasses do to Paige's profile. The dark frames and rectangular lenses give her an authoritative air and a nerdy librarian hotness that sets Emily's heart racing.

Paige looks over and takes off her glasses so she can rub at her eyes and the bridge of her nose. "I think – about a year ago? Eye strain from staring at a screen all day. Sometimes I change the color of my background and it helps a little but the glasses are just a precaution, at least for now. I'm sure my eyes will only get worse," she says with a crooked smile. "I'm falling apart, Emily."

Emily just shakes her head and sits up to stretch. Paige notices this but her eyes quickly dart away willing her mind not to go _there_. Standing up for another stretch Emily glances at the digital clock on the nightstand between their beds. "What the hell - it's 5 a.m. I mean, really, what the hell?" Emily is pissed but still isn't awake enough to be truly angry. Her head is fuzzy and she would kill for some Starbucks.

"We're gonna lose an hour today," Paige says. "We'll hit Mountain Time at some point so I figured we can try to get that hour back if we get going early. And I was thinking of going for a ride to get some of the kinks worked out before we go. Did you want to come?"

"Is there coffee involved in this plan?" Emily asks, crossing the room to draw back the blinds on the room windows. The sun is getting ready to rise in the east and an orange and red blend is starting to replace the black night sky. It's gorgeous and Emily feels invigorated for the time being, at least until she can get some coffee.

"There can be, I guess." Paige answers. "You still drink that crap? I swear you could have sailed away on an ocean of it in high school – it's no wonder all you guys' nerves were shot."

Emily turns to Paige in surprise, complete with raised eyebrows and gaping jaw. "Wait – you know why we were stressed out during high school so that was a silly thing to say. Secondly – you referred to coffee as 'crap'. What the hell? I am waiting for an explanation, McCullers, because if I don't get one I am going to assume you are a pod person from another planet."

"That's the third time you've said 'What the hell' in the last five minutes, Fields," Paige retorts. She shakes her head and shuts the lid of her laptop as she rises and walks toward the bathroom. "Dibs on the little girl's room."

"So I don't get an explanation?"

"You should already know the answer to your question." The bathroom door clicks closed followed by the sound of shower spray on tile. Confusion clouds Emily's mind. Just what did Paige mean when she said she 'should already know'?

An hour later after a short walk down the street Emily holds her precious cup of Starbucks tightly in her hands making Paige snicker. "No one is going to steal it," she says. Emily shakes her head – "If everyone knew its healing powers they wouldn't let mere mortals like me drink it. It would be reserved for kings, queens and famous people who wear too much mascara." Emily glances at Paige who stares back with a very curious look on her face. "What?" Emily asks.

"You talk different now. You use odd words. Did you eat a dictionary or something?"

"Yes, I ate a dictionary. For the fiber content." Emily rolls her eyes and still coveting her coffee heads back to the elevator to get to their room. "Have fun on your little bike ride."

"You're not coming?" Paige seems almost disappointed but Emily ignores it and steps into the elevator. "Nope, gotta shower and get ready for day two!" She gives Paige a tiny wave as the elevator doors slide shut leaving Paige standing in the hotel lobby alone with her thoughts and a Ficus plant.

"Well that was rude – again."

As she rides up the elevator Emily knows it was rotten to bail on Paige and their ride. And when Paige first mentioned it she thought it sounded like fun. However, the more she tried to decipher Paige's 'should already know' statement the more confused she got. Obviously something happened that she forgot or didn't know. It was driving her crazy trying to remember – and if it was such a big deal why wasn't Paige just straight-forward with her? Why did she have to be so cryptic?

When she leaves the elevator and approaches their room Emily pulls out her key card and enters quietly. She tries to think. Maybe she can ask someone what Paige means. It's no big deal, she reminds herself, but just the same – this little detail seems important to Paige for some reason. She drops down onto her bed pulls out her cell phone thinking maybe she can call or text someone. _That's stupid_, Emily says to herself_, just ask her_.

Content with that decision Emily puts her feet up and drinks her coffee slowly.

Instead of a bike ride Paige elects to take a walk down a path running by the Truckee River that bisects Reno east to west. She notices a group with safety equipment covering them from head to toe prepping to raft down the river. Paige thinks it looks like a blast mentally making white-water rafting entry number 153 on her bucket list. She leans against the rail running along the walking path and the grind of the rapids overwhelms any other thoughts. She realizes she really misses the water, especially diving into a pool feeling like she was pulling herself into another world and blocking out all the drama in her stupid life. With a start she remembers Emily taught her that. Paige sighs at the thought of Emily budging into her thoughts again.

Paige always suspected she carried the emotional weight for their relationship. She didn't really blame Emily for withholding. The whole mess with Alison, Maya and –A built an almost insurmountable barrier between the world and Emily, Spencer, Aria and Hanna. Paige often thought she'd broken through that wall but as soon as she was confident their relationship was moving to the next level she'd realize Emily had engaged her "protective vibe". She lost count how many times Emily would apologize for her selective use of the full truth, all in the name of "protecting" Paige.

If she was honest Paige knew she did the same thing a few times – but not on the predictable timer Emily did. In the end they both realized just how badly they'd been manipulated in the early stages of their relationship and cherished the absence of that emotional weight after –A was dealt with. It was almost like they had to start over and the more she thought about in over the years the more she realized maybe their relationship was good only when put under the white-hot pressure of the drama with –A. Once the drama was gone they had nothing else to hold them together. It made her feel like a failure.

She turns away from the railing and begins walking back to the hotel wondering where the person she worked so hard to become the last two years has gone, all in the matter of less than 24 hours. She wasn't the campus sweetheart at UC-SB but she had a wide, diverse circle of friends she was going to miss in the fall. But as soon as she's within 50 feet of Emily Fields she becomes a socially awkward high school freshman again trying so hard to understand her feelings around girls and find her place in the world. Heck, she is even walking down the street with her hands buried in her pockets and her shoulders clenched like she was desperate to stay invisible.

_This is horse shit. I am not this person anymore,_ she mentally berates herself. _And I refuse to go back there._

Feeling newly resolved, Paige straightens and walks quickly down the sidewalk.

As she approaches their hotel she sees Emily wheeling two suitcases toward the U-Haul managing an amazing balancing act with the suitcases and her precious cup of coffee. "You didn't have to do that, you know," Paige yells across the lot as she jogs toward her.

"Oh, I know. But that's okay; you need to be careful with your back." The hot tub did wonders for Paige the night before so she almost forgot about her back issues. She looks in the back of the truck and realizes Emily has brought all their cases from the room, including her laptop and backpack.

"Well, thanks," Paige says awkwardly. "Can I have the keys then? We can get going."

Emily slides the door of the U-Haul closed and wiggles the key ring in Paige's face. "No dice, kid. I am driving."

Paige pulls her eyebrows together and looks ready to battle but Emily sighs. "Would you quit being such a damn control freak and let me take control for a change? Let me take care of you for a change."

Emily realizes what she said just as Paige's eyes widen and her cheeks blush in surprise and discomfort. "Oh, you know what I mean. Or you don't. I don't particularly care right now, just get in and shut up," Emily says.

As she vaults in the driver side Emily sees Paige just standing behind the truck stupidly glaring at her in the mirror. She starts the engine figuring Paige might need an incentive to just go along with her wishes. The roar of the starter and a cloud of black exhaust makes Paige cough serving its purpose…she reluctantly moves to the passenger door and climbs into the truck cab.

"Salt Lake City or bust!" Emily exclaims happily, knowing her enthusiasm will piss Paige off. Glancing at her passenger, Emily sees her sour expression and smiles in triumph. Mission accomplished.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry for the delay. I am trying a new style of organizing my writing with this story so it's caused a bit of a delay in posting an update. I hope I don't keep you waiting long the next time around.

Also, I usually have an inspiration piece playing in the background as I write. If it's anything interesting I think I'll share it with you all from time to time. This chapter led me to listen to Sting's live 2012 performance in Berlin. Go to YouTube, type in "Sting Live Berlin" if you're interested (the rendition of "Desert Rose" is spectacular).

Happy reading and thanks for the follows and feedback - it's very gratifying.

* * *

DAY TWO - RENO TO SALT LAKE CITY

Emily knew this trip with Paige would be hard. She figured a two-year gap in communication would leave her fighting to balance their 19-year-old selves with who they are now – and boy, she couldn't have been more right. For the first two days of their trip heir interactions resemble a ping pong match; at times bitchy, other times flirty, but with no pattern or predictable cycle. Emily was just downright confused and she really couldn't figure out how to make that go away.

Glancing to her right she sees Paige is transfixed by an app on her phone. They'd been on the road for about an hour and for some reason Paige didn't argue too heartily when Emily insisted on driving – which was a nice change.

It felt good to be on the road. Emily didn't drive much in college; instead she relied on rides from her roommates or city buses to get where she needed to go. Driving now reminded her she really enjoyed the freedom and control of being behind the wheel and she really wanted to get into it….

But dear God – this route was SO BORING. The radio stations sucked. Traffic was non-existent. And Paige? Well, she was proving to be a really sucky passenger with her nose buried so far into her phone Emily swore it would eventually need to be surgically removed.

Sighing, she just couldn't keep the monotony to herself any longer. "This is the most boring drive in the history of mankind!" Paige appears startled by Emily's complaint but her eyes snap back to her phone a few seconds later.

"Could you freakin' help me out here, McCullers?" Emily says in frustration, running her free hand through her hair to keep from taking a swing at Paige.

"You wanted to drive. I am just letting you do what you wanted to do. Man, I just can't win with you," says Paige. She shakes her head and steals a glance at Emily who seemingly gets even angrier than she was moments ago. _She is so easy,_ Paige thinks.

Emily's eyes narrow because Paige seems all too willing to play the victim. "You knew this would be boring as hell, didn't you?"

"Uh-huh."

"So this is some kind of a joke?"

"Not a joke, just a…teachable moment."

Emily eyes Paige with suspicion and disappointment. "You were never this sarcastic before. What happened to you?"

"I've always been this sarcastic – you just weren't paying attention."

Emily looks back to the road and Paige turns her attention back to her phone. Uncomfortable silence is the rule once again.

The mile markers clip by but time seems at a standstill. Neither of the girls is accustomed to lonely drives like this so eventually Emily worms Paige into small talk, comparing notes about their class loads in college, the latest celebrity gossip and what movies they'd seen - innocuous stuff, all designed to pass the time but just skim the surface. Emily is desperate to engage in deeper, more meaningful discussions but Paige is having none of it.

Knowing they couldn't make the entire trip to Salt Lake City on one tank of gas Emily pulls off in Elko, Nevada, to fill up and stretch. She pumps the gas and glances at Paige in the passenger side mirror, seeing she's still concentrating on her phone. Fed up and knowing two can play that game Emily slaps her hand hard against the side of the truck. Paige jumps so high she hits her head on the cab roof drawing a smirk and low laugh from Emily. Paige jerks the door open and marches back toward Emily who pretends to be innocently watching the numbers flip on the gas pump.

"What the hell was that? You trying to give me a stroke?"

"No, it's just a wakeup call. A teachable moment, if you will."

Frustration is tattooed all over her face but Paige breathes deeply and regains her composure almost immediately. She rubs the bridge of her nose where her glasses usually rest when she wears them and sighs, then heads inside the gas station presumably to cool off away from Emily's all-seeing eyes.

Emily on the other hand feels like a thousand pound weight has been lifted from her shoulders. The last stretch of road with little to do but think has actually helped her come to a few conclusions. She suspects the last couple years were unnecessarily difficult because neither of them made the effort to communicate with each other. Maybe they'd still be together, maybe they'd just be friends – or, Emily hates to think, maybe they'd be as distant as they are now. Still, they should have tried to get closure at some point. The lack of an ending is what she suspects is driving this tension so Emily is tweaking every nerve she can just to get to Paige because the more she frustrates her the more likely (at some point) Paige will acknowledge their real problem: they can't NOT be in each other's lives.

The gas pump clicks signaling the tank is full and Emily removes the nozzle and pulls the receipt from the pump. A bell rings on the door of the convenience store as Paige exits wrestling with a package of Twizzlers and she's losing the battle to tear it open. Paige's frustrated look causes Emily to smile, feeling good that she's decided once and for all she wants Paige in her life again; somehow, someway.

_Now to just make her see it, too._

About an hour outside Salt Lake City lie the Bonneville Salt Flats. This area is home to literally miles and miles of flat, salt-covered earth formed when the salt-water Lake Bonneville dried up thousands of years ago. This ecological change left 30,000 acres of barren, deserted land that due to high salt content and desert-like moisture cannot sustain trees, grass or other plants in its ecosystem.

This stark area does not go to waste or function simply as a natural curiosity to travelers. Instead, motorheads of all stripes see the miles-long stretches of flat earth as a great opportunity to drive the crap out of cars, motorcycles and really anything with an engine. For the last 75 years land speed records have been set and broken on this stretch of earth. It's a hot-rodder's paradise.

So, of course, Nick McCullers wanted pictures and a t-shirt.

The girls stop in the neighboring town of Wendover, Utah for more information before they visit the Flats. Paige picks up a t-shirt for her dad, a gold shirt advertising the "Salt Flats Racing Association" in blue and yellow lettering. Looking through her dad's itinerary she noticed he asked for a lot of t-shirts which she found confusing because he was an Izod or Polo type of guy. Still, it was a small thing to ask of her so she planned on going along with it.

They heard in Wendover the best view of the Salt Flats is from a rest stop about 10 miles down the interstate. When they reach the area Emily brings the truck to a halt and the girls just stare out the truck's windshield. The land looks like it's covered with a dusting of snow, the white salt glistening in the sunlight causing a mirage effect close to the earth's surface. Distant hills host a sparse collection of bushes and trees but a majority of the land surrounding them is a white ocean of stark and desolate terrain as far as the eye can see.

"It kinda takes your breath away," Emily says.

Paige nods. "Can you imagine getting lost out there or coming across it in a wagon train? Thank you Jesus for air conditioning and radial tires."

Emily laughs and throws her door open to get a closer look. Paige quickly follows and they walk side-by-side past the rest station. Emily slips on sunglasses because the light reflecting off the salt lands is too bright then kneels down and pinches a small amount of the salt, bringing it to her lips for a taste.

"That's disgusting," Paige says. "You know how many people have probably walked on that, a dog might have even peed on it."

"You are a spoil sport," Emily replies. "Just live in the moment for a change, huh? Relax. You are in one of the most remote areas in the country – breathe the air, listen to the wind."

Paige eyes Emily with equal parts skepticism and humor. "You've been watching 'Pocahontas' again, haven't you?"

"You can take the girl away from Disney but you can't take Disney away from the girl," Emily says with a smile.

Behind her sunglasses Emily takes Paige in as she tries to relax. And after a few minutes it looks like she finally lets go as she throws her head back and allows the breeze to muss her hair. She laughs trying to pull loose strands behind her ears and glances down at Emily unguarded and open.

For the first time on the trip Emily sees the girl she loved in the shining brown eyes and bashful smile Paige tries to hide as she dips her head. Emily's heart is racing as her head floods with memories and wishes from the past. It seems so long ago yet here it is, another shot. It dawns on her just how many chances she's had with Paige but with that she also realizes this trip marks the last one she'll probably get.

She smiles back at Paige as she rises and dusts her hands on her jeans. "Ready to go?" she asks and when Paige nods they walk slowly back to the rest area.

_Just try and shut me out, McCullers_, Emily thinks. _Cuz I'm gonna keep coming back for more._


	6. Chapter 6

_Hello all! Finally - a little update for everyone's perusal. I am hoping to stay on schedule with the next few chapters but I will offer this caveat: the next few stops on the trip are very, very, very important to me personally so I really want to get them right. Don't be surprised, then, if updates take a day or two longer than I've pushed out before. _

_This chapter's musical influence? "The Sound of Silence" by Marcel Marceau (aka I wrote this with no music or background noise). Sorry to disappoint! :D_

* * *

DAY TWO & DAY THREE - SALT LAKE CITY

_"Just live for the moment for a change, huh?"_

Emily has no idea how much this statement disturbs Paige.

She's tried so hard to remain distant and uninvolved for the last few days and now she senses Emily wants to change the rules. The sarcasm and detachment is gone now; Emily seems to want to start over rather than move forward and Paige knows she cannot handle that.

Her stubborn devotion to her ex cost her so much time the past few years; it impeded her from seeking out new relationships and new dreams for herself. And now that she has some idea of where she wants to be, here comes the Emily Issue once again. The girl is like the Mafia – when Paige thinks she's out she gets pulled right back in.

Still, as she looks down at a kneeling Emily in this wasteland of salt and dirt, she cannot help but admit that she is right about one thing: Paige really needs to lighten the hell up. It's proving to be a long trip back to Pennsylvania and being so withdrawn and uptight will probably give her an ulcer or a daily migraine. She'd rather not drive half the day with…issues so she gives in. She takes a deep breath. She feels the wind on her face.

Surprisingly, it feels awesome. She concentrates on each breath – in through her nose, out through her mouth – and the tension just melts away. She drops her guard and when she sees Emily studying her she drops her head in embarrassment. Giving in to Emily's wishes is okay in Paige's book – but letting her know she was right was quite another.

Paige sneaks another glance at Emily and wishes she'd take off those damn sunglasses. She's wearing those silver aviator shades that only .01 percent of the population can pull off. Unfortunately Emily's part of that select group who looks good in them. Who does she think she is - a fighter pilot? Ugh, she's so gorgeous it's almost sickening.

Emily rises and asks Paige if she'd like to go. _Hell yes,_ she thinks, _before you drive me crazy._ Instead of saying anything, she nods. They turn and walk back toward the truck, their hands brushing during the walk sending Paige's pulse into overdrive.

_When you decide to lighten up, kiddo, you really lighten up,_ Paige laments to herself.

* * *

Emily carefully navigates the U-Haul through traffic in Salt Lake City. Her attention is half on the drive and half on the GPS – if there's one thing she hates it's getting lost.

"Hey, wanna find some place to eat? We can take it back to the hotel and rest up for tomorrow," Paige asks.

"Okay, you say 'rest up' like you mean it." Emily risks a glance at Paige and sees her grin. Oh no. She means it.

"Yeah, gotta hit another one of Dad's 'must see' stops. They hosted the Winter Olympics out here so they have a lot of stuff to see and do. It actually sounds kinda fun."

"Well, as long as I don't put my life in my hands that should be okay. We probably need a break from driving anyway," Emily says.

Once again Paige grins. She is so much more relaxed now, Emily realizes. _Thank goodness._ Her moodiness and distance were really becoming a problem so any change for the better is welcome to Emily. She was closer to the old Paige of her memory now…yet not. Emily is frustrated because she couldn't quite put her finger on that difference. Was it confidence? Maturity? She sighs because she just doesn't have a clue.

After a dinner of burgers from a fast food joint called Arctic Circle (how could they not stop at a restaurant that advertised "Above the Rim Shakes"?) Emily and Paige check into their hotel for the night. They don't talk much – there's no need since each of them was wrapped up in her own thoughts. Never mind those thoughts were about each other – if they truly wanted to figure things out they'd have it out and maybe come to a resolution. But as with so many other times in their relationship one assumed the other wouldn't listen or didn't want to talk or what else they fashioned as the 'excuse of the month'. So they said their good-nights and drifted off to sleep wondering about love, life and fate.

* * *

"Paige! You promised me I wouldn't die!"

Emily whimpers as she swings 50 feet in the air on a tightrope suspended between two log platforms. She wears a helmet and other safety equipment but that's irrelevant right now.

Paige decided that morning they should try a couple of the Adventure Courses at the Utah Olympic Park. They ranged in difficulty and tested a user's problem-solving skills, balance and upper body strength by forcing participants across rope lines, tight ropes and other obstacle course features. It didn't sound too tough to Emily at first – she was a Division 1 swimmer, for crying out loud. If whiny guys on corporate retreats could do this stuff, it should be a cinch for her.

But then she looked down. Oh God, it was a long way. As she tried to unfreeze her limbs from their terror Emily thinks it's ironic she's gone head-to-head with serial killers and faced down homophobic bigots with more guts than she was showing now.

"Hey Emily – smile!"

Emily looks across to the end of the line where Paige awaits having crossed the tightrope before her with not a single hesitation. Emily's heart shifts at her blinding smile – before she sees Paige holding up her iPhone. _Oh God, Instagram._

"Paige McCullers, you put that phone down right now or so help me…"

"Like I'm scared. You're gonna have to make it across that tightrope to do anything to me and judging by your speed that won't happen until next month. So be a good sport and smile."

Emily's expression of fury makes Paige smile and laugh even more. Emily wishes she wasn't so near death because that smile and that laugh give her a riot of butterflies in her stomach and a weakness in her knees she hasn't experienced since junior high school. Weak knees were the last thing she wants now, though. She grabs tighter to the line by her head and inches across the tightrope. Several minutes and at least a dozen verbal jabs from Paige later Emily reaches safety on the platform. She releases a big sigh and turns to Paige expecting a congratulations or another insult – instead she sees a look of intensity shoot from Paige that goes straight to Emily's already-taxed lungs.

"Are you okay?" Paige asks tentatively.

Emily nods, unable to truly speak until she gets her breath back and her feet back under her. _What the hell was that? _she thinks.

Paige hesitates for a moment then offers a small smile.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made you do this."

"It's fine, I'm actually a little bit embarrassed. Twenty-two years old and I almost cried for my mommy. Ridiculous."

"Yeah, I guess. But I'm sorry anyway."

Emily reaches out and grasps Paige's forearm. Her fingertips tingle at the contact but she doesn't let go and Paige doesn't move away. Emily catches her gaze and gives her a reassuring grin. "Don't worry about it. At least it's over with."

Paige's face crunches in dread. "Actually, not quite…"

Minutes later, Emily squeezes her eyes shut as the wind whistles past her ears. When Paige said 'not quite' she meant the culmination of their trip wasn't tightropes or obstacle courses – it was a 377-foot zip line ending at a 65-foot tower from which they would free fall to the ground. They both tried to find a way out but it wasn't a cheap option they could skip guilt-free and, well, Emily was tired of feeling like a chicken for the day.

Paige went first and had no problems - she now stood on the ground waiting for Emily with pink cheeks and a smile that would give any red-blooded American gay girl the courage to fight lions.

Chickens, lions – Emily didn't know just what was going on but she felt this was yet another test of her resolve. Ever since Alison was killed Emily waged a battle within herself that pitted courage versus cowardice. The older she got and was subjected to –A's manipulations the more she pushed herself to fight on the side of courage. The courage to come out. The courage to battle Nate. The courage to just plain fight for what and who she believed in. It was silly but she felt this was yet another battle to be courageous or cowardly. Unfortunately maybe the fight was second nature to her after all those years of pushing herself to choose well and be smart. She might just be inventing battles that don't exist.

_Good God, Emily, turn off your brain and just go._

Gathering all the guts she can muster she launches herself off the tower and free falls six stories to the ground where Paige awaits with baited breath and her heart in her throat. She lands with a soft thump and immediately looks to Paige who smiles and says, "I think that's enough for the day, don't you?"

Emily tilts her head, feigning some deep, intense thoughts. "Probably."

They both shed their equipment and gather their belongings then start the walk back to their rental truck. The air is crisp and small cloud puffs do nothing to ruin the perfection of the day. Both of them were trying to adjust to the thinner mountain air but Emily was sure the elevation was only a small reason for her breathlessness; her companion was probably the bigger factor.


	7. Chapter 7

Okay, this ran a bit longer than I had anticipated to the next chapter picks up at one of my favorite places on their trip.

Listening to Josh Groban while writing tonight - because he's an angel and a nerd.

I haven't disclaimed lately but I find it unnecessary because someone would have to be desperate for attention or my stash of 80's baseball cards (all commons) to sue me.

* * *

DAY FOUR – SALT LAKE CITY

Paige was a Tasmanian devil of activity when they got back to the hotel. She had so much to do, that's what she told herself anyway.

As a little girl she enjoyed lazing in the summer sun too much, at least by her mom's standards, so she heard the phrase "idle hands are the Devil's workshop" several times a week during vacation from school. Never have those words been truer than now because Paige cannot and will not allow herself to become idle around Emily – not her mind and certainly NOT her hands. Nope, she had resolved just minutes ago those hands of hers would stay in any pocket she could find for the duration of the trip. Pants pockets. Jacket pockets. Hot Pockets. Polly Pockets. If a nearby kangaroo was the only option…well, put it this way: she would willingly cause an international incident and draw the ire of the population of Australia if violating a kangaroo pouch was all that stood between her hands and Emily's silky locks. PETA and Oz be damned.

Nope, no matter the cost her hands would not become idle if she had anything to say about it.

Keeping her hands idle is a much smaller task, unfortunately, because it was her head and her heart she wished she could stop. After the morning's death-defying stunts caused Emily such grief Paige's protective instincts were on overload. She wanted to put plastic plugs in the electrical outlets. She wanted to put padding on every sharp corner. All these feelings were rushing back in a tsunami of emotion and it felt like her brain was five minutes from short-circuiting. Three days was all it took and she was a goner. Again.

To distract herself from staring at Emily as she towel-dried her hair after a shower Paige was hard at work planning their route for the next day. Her dad's itinerary leads them through northern Utah and into Wyoming but Paige wasn't wild about couple days along that route. She longs to get into the Colorado mountains and her favorite place in the Rockies was just a day's drive away. If they committed to an eight or nine hour push they'd reach Frisco, Colorado in the late afternoon tomorrow, just in time to get a room and be up early the next morning for some mountain adventures. Just the idea of taking her bike on a mountain path full of rocks and mud while she dodges pine trees and jumps creek beds makes her heart pound.

When she was young Paige's family would gather in Breckenridge, Colorado over the holidays to ski, shop and drink wine (or hot chocolate, depending on their age). From her first glance at the mountains Paige fell in love feeling like she'd come home after a long trip in the backseat of a compact car. Her irritation and angst peeled away the moment her parent's rental car hit the foothills on I-70. No matter her problems or frustrations she felt like a new person in the mountains. To this day, it was the same for her and she longed to show Emily that side of her and the place she loved above all others.

Paige had a bit of hesitation only because she didn't know if Emily would respond to the high country as she did. The air is thin. The roads twist and turn alongside thousand foot drops. The weather changes at the drop of a dime. Once upon a time Emily would have loved the area simply because it meant so much to Paige…but now? She wasn't so sure – but she has a feeling fate owes her one.

* * *

Paige wakes up in the best mood she could remember because her dreams were of powder blue skies and rustling pines. She feels invigorated and they still had a day's long drive in front of them. No matter, though – Paige was close to heaven and she could feel it in her bones.

Her joy and excitement to get going is so overwhelming she just can't keep herself in bed. She throws back her covers and leaps onto Emily's bed. Em herself was sleeping the rest of the dead, complete with bed head and drool on her pillowcase but it only took seconds for her to wake thanks to Paige's size nines jumping on her mattress.

"Get your ass moving, Fields! It's time to go!" Paige shouts, beaming with a grin that reaches from one ear to the other. Emily is taken aback by the abrupt wake-up call but in her semi-conscious state she still takes note of Paige's unbridled joy – something she gave up hope of ever seeing again. Outwardly her ex was always deliberate and contemplative and many people took that as moody and reclusive but Emily learned long ago Paige wasn't a snob, she was careful and her hurt always manifested itself in a hypercritical and calculated evaluation of herself. Emily couldn't be hard on Paige because she was hard enough on herself so when they found moments of joy Emily relished them.

Like this early morning, unexpected surprise. _This is the way it should be_, she thinks – bearing witness to the unchecked joy of the woman she loves. That word. _Oh hell, why now?_ Emily never denied she still loved Paige but seeing this gift just solidifies in her mind the wait will be worth it. God help her, this goofball is the love of her life.

As much as Emily is enjoying the show it occurs to her that Paige might make this early riser thing a habit. Regretfully Emily yanks the sheet from under Paige causing her to slip and execute a belly flop onto the top of the bed. Paige lands at Emily's uncovered feet, giggling – _giggling?_ – and gasping for breath.

"Haven't you ever heard of an alarm clock, McCullers?" Emily tries to look reproachful but fails miserably. Paige grins and cocks her head. Emily is a total crab in the morning but her crankiness can't snuff Paige's excitement – after all, Cranky Pants Emily gets her every time. "I got all the alarm clocking I need up here," Paige says with a wink and a poke to her temple.

"You have lost it. Did some kind of Mormon offshoot come and fry your brain last night? Do you have oxygen deprivation from the altitude?" Emily tries to formulate more outrageous scenarios to explain Paige's behavior but her brain grinds to a sudden halt. She looks down and sees Paige slowly running her fingers over her legs and feet. Her face still reflects joy but Emily recognizes another expression she thought was lost: reverence.

Emily was sometimes embarrassed by Paige's awe when they were together. On one hand, sure, it was awesome to be loved that much; but on the other hand it was hard get Paige to realize she felt the same in return. Her frustration never came to the forefront until Paige announced she was leaving for Santa Barbara for college. What a wicked fight they had. In the interim, she came to peace with Paige's decision but even with the distance in both miles and hearts she never gave up on Paige. Never. She did wonder if Paige had given up on her at some point, though. _What did I do to drive her away?_ Emily really didn't know but if this morning was any indication it seemed she might get a second, third, 37th chance.

_Enough with this introspective BS, focus on what's happening here and now,_ she thinks. Emily closes her eyes hoping to prolong the pleasure she feels from Paige's touch. Despite the discomfort of an accelerated heartbeat and thready breath she is greedy. She wants this love, this excitement, this goofball to never leave her again. Now just to get Paige to believe it.

* * *

While Emily sits quietly reflecting, Paige is purposely shutting off her mind. Her idle hands commitment only lasted a couple hours but she refuses to feel guilty. She runs her index finger up Emily's calf seeing how strong she's become with her intense training. Swimmers usually come in a couple body types and those builds usually reflect the athlete's specialty. Long distance swimmers are often lithe and long-limbed, able to pace themselves for bursts of speed in the home stretch – much like cross-country runners or cyclists. Sprinters, however, are bulls in a china shop – tall, aggressive and strong, the pool's answer to an NFL running back or a catcher in baseball.

Emily broke the mold, though. She has a lean, strong body built to leave competitors in the dust at any distance in the water. Still she was also unfailingly utterly feminine, able to carry herself with the same grace and confidence in social situations as she does on the pool deck. She is just classy and once upon a time Paige allowed herself to believe she was the opposite of everything Emily was. No more, though. She found herself at some point and now here she was, able to touch Emily with confidence and undisguised longing. She still worshipped Emily – and one would have to be blind or stupid not to feel something akin to adoration with those shoulders and sexy feet…whoa, sexy feet? They were cute feet, awesome feet, the world's most perfect feet, but she wasn't some kind of pervert. _Jeesh, rein it in,_ Paige thinks.

She doesn't realize how much effort it would take to stop touching Emily but she does it, still irritated she has to stop at all. Emily's eyes snap open unable to conceal the desire in their depths. Paige takes a deep breath and stands up moving to her bed to arrange the pillows and sheets as a distraction.

"Sorry Em."

"It's okay. Actually it's more than okay."

Paige's head snaps back to Emily whose earnest smile freezes the air in her lungs.

"We can't," Paige sighs.

"Why not?"

Paige grabs her glasses from the nightstand and puts them on as she gathers all the electronics piled next to her bed. "Well, beyond the wrongness of it, we gotta get going, we gotta get on the road."

Emily squints in confusion. "Wrongness?"

"Yeah. We're different people now, we can't just jump back into this whole thing just like that." Paige stops when she realizes she needs to give Emily her full attention so she understands how she feels. She sits on her bed and looks at Emily dead on, her heart leaping at just the sight of her perfect face. Except for that damn eye tooth._ How is it Emily's teeny tiny imperfections make her more perfect,_ Paige wonders.

_It's love, you idiot. Always has been with Emily, probably always will be. _

Paige sighs in frustration and rises to sit next to Emily who hasn't moved from her bed. Paige takes her pinky finger and lightly touches the end of Emily's nose. "What you do to me," she wonders out loud. Emily smiles and picks up Paige's hand to lightly kiss her fingers. She looks up at Paige and grins.

"Rain check? I totally reek and like you said, we need to go."

Paige is skeptical, she's afraid the moment is lost and it will be a lot of work to get back to this emotional place they find themselves in. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely." Emily bounces up and grabs a towel hanging on a nearby chair. "We'll pick up right where we left off." Emily walks into the bathroom and cranks up the shower leaving Paige to wonder about what she means. Does Emily mean pick up their conversation or their entire relationship?

The more she thinks about it the more frustrated Paige gets. _Screw my hands,_ she thinks, _I wish I could stick my brain in my pockets. _


	8. Chapter 8

_Hola, kids. Happy Memorial Day weekend - hope you all eat some BBQ, get out in the sunshine and, most of all, remember those folks who lay their lives on the line for our protection everyday. _

_I don't have a musical selection for this chapter (because it took me so freakin' long to write it) but I do have a song to recommend if you want to bawl your eyes out: Lisa Brescia performing "I'll Be Here" written by Adam Gwon. It's on Adam's YouTube channel and I haven't been moved by a piece of music as I was by this song in an eternity. Give it a listen and grab some Kleenex._

* * *

DAY FOUR - UTAH/COLORADO

When traveling it's good to have the feeling you are all alone on the road without a care in the world, able to top anywhere and nowhere, eat when you want…removal from reality is kind of one of the rewards for stiff backs and boredom.

So the sudden appearance of whatever you call them – bubble gum machines, flashers, holy rollers – yanks you out of your dream and into an embarrassing dose of reality. Flashing red and blue lights are never a welcome sight on a road trip.

They got pulled over. For speeding. In the middle of a deserted highway. In Utah.

Emily's head is spinning with scenarios from the ID Channel, Showtime and Playboy because there was no denying their current situation was the starting point for most of their programming and readership. Thankfully none of those situations were as mundane as the one they're in now, with a state trooper on his radio with Paige's license and vehicle information in hand. Still, it is quite the buzz kill.

Paige grinds her teeth in frustration. "Perfect driving record, all shot to hell."

"Dude, really?" Emily leans up and tries to catch Paige's eyes which purposefully are locked on her rear view mirror. "We're driving what amounts to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang with air conditioning and you were speeding? What were you thinking?"

_I was thinking I wanna get the hell out of Utah._ This state is bad for her equilibrium. Ever since they crossed the state line two days ago Paige's attention has been locked on Emily like a heat-seeking missile. One part of her is angry for her complete and utter failure in guarding her emotions. All that work for all that time went on a freight train to hell after being with Emily for a couple days. Is she really that weak? Yes, yes she is. _McCullers, you are pathetic._

But the other part of her, the one that didn't make Paige feel like a loser, is overjoyed. Once upon a time she was so sure Emily was the one for her – but she let her insecurities grab on and they overrode the little optimism she had. Now they were back together, at least in proximity. Emily gave her signals that maybe things could work out between them…which is at once terrifying yet exhilarating. _Okay, maybe you're not so much pathetic as you are whipped._

The look of disgust and annoyance currently on Emily's face signaled that maybe this wasn't a good time for a heart to heart, though.

"Cut me some slack, Fields. It's Utah – do they even have speed limits?"

"Obviously they do because the guy in his squad car behind us isn't a figment of my imagination!" Emily crosses her arms on her chest in a huff. "And you don't have a perfect driving record."

"Yeah, uh, I do."

"No you don't. Remember the string cheese incident?"

"Isn't that a band?"

"No! I mean, it might be, but I am referring to the fender bender at the supermarket in San Jose?"

Of course she remembered. It was late and after studying for most of the evening they missed dining hours at the cafeteria. Emily was craving string cheese so, Paige being Paige, sought to find somewhere around campus that sold that and whatever else Emily decided she wanted. The pair borrowed a friend's car and found the nearest Safeway store and went inside. Once Emily had her string cheese (and Yoohoo and gummy worms) they left the store – as Paige pulled out of their parking space she backed into another car in the lot.

Emily's reaction to the fender bender was pretty similar to now, Paige muses. Pissed and irritated.

"I fought the ticket and won."

"You didn't."

"Yeah, I did."

"Paige, you hit an 80-year-old lady!"

"It was dark outside and she wasn't supposed to be driving at night."

Emily sits in disbelief, just staring at Paige's profile. They hear a door slam and the trooper approaches Paige's open window handing her the paperwork and license he requested earlier. "Okay ladies, beings you're just passing through I'm gonna let you off with a warning today. Keep your eyes open for the speed limit signs, though I can tell you 75 on a county road isn't one you'll find. Good day and drive carefully." He tips his hat and meanders back to his squad car.

Paige starts the truck and throws it into gear. When she reaches 55 she sets the cruise control.

"Paige, she was 80."

"I know. But it wasn't my fault. And it turned out okay."

"Why?"

"I went to her house and I weeded her flowers for her. Then we had lemonade."

Emily shakes her head then just has to laugh at the sheer lunacy of the situation. Only her Paige.

* * *

Needing a break Paige asks Emily if she's up for stopping in Grand Junction, Colorado for a late lunch. Her growling stomach and stiffening back answer for her so they pull off I-70 to find a good sit-down restaurant for lunch.

They park downtown and pull out their iPhones, ready to do battle. They both had the Urbanspoon app and discovered in Reno they could never agree on a place to eat. Their solution? An Urbanspoon war, narrowing down their choices by menu and price and letting fate choose their destination.

"Italian?" Paige asks hopefully.

"Ugh. Nothing worse than sitting around in a carb coma. What about Chinese?"

"Nah. We'll have to stop…"

"…in an hour. That's a new one." Emily squints at her phone. "I am so sick of burgers. I think I have red meat coming out of my pores."

Paige thinks for a moment. "We are close to microbrew country. We could always try a brew pub."

"More burgers?"

"They offer other things, you know. Chicken. Salads." She doesn't really care about the menu at this point, though – Paige just wants a beer. Badly. Of course she doesn't want to get drunk, they do have a few more hours of driving ahead of them but she just wants to relax. She practically topped Emily this morning at the hotel and hasn't quite figured out what to do with it. Her emotions were all over the place and she'd like to relax for just a bit and try to decide where to go from here. Her heart was kicking her head's ass so she wanted, just for a half hour, to decompress.

Emily can see Paige's wheels turning so she relents on the pub idea. "Sure, let's do it."

* * *

Paige guides the truck to a restaurant called the Kannah Creek Brewing Company. They enter the restaurant and Paige instantly relaxes. "Oh look at all the taps," she says. Emily turns to her and grabs the truck keys from her loose grip. Paige gulps at the short contact. "Ah, no problem. But I'm driving then."

Paige takes the keys back and scoffs at Emily's concern. "Don't worry – one beer. With food. And plenty of time to detox after lunch with dessert and a walk."

"Quite the plan you have there." Paige smiles in response, turning to the hostess and indicating they are a party of two.

Party of two. Paige liked the sound of that – party of two. Since she transferred she got used to doing things on her own like going out to eat or seeing a movie. Paige didn't realize how lonely she was until someone infringed – in a good way – on her personal space. She got along fine by herself all this time not seeing how bad a habit it became. Loneliness causes one to withdraw into him or herself. But now? Making plans and compromising with someone was actually kind of nice.

"Holy crap, I love bleu cheese!"

Paige is so into her head she doesn't realize they've been seated and have menus at the ready. She looks up and sees Emily across from her studying the menu and biting on her thumbnail as her face breaks into a huge smile. "Bleu cheese and me – we are friends."

Paige laughs loudly at this odd declaration. Bleu cheese. She looks down at her own menu trying to decide what she'd like but is so transfixed by Emily she just says "I'll have that too" when the waitress take's Emily's order. She hands the waitress her menu and takes in everything around her…the smells, the music on the P.A., the clanking of silverware and the low buzz of conversation are poor distractions from the sight in front of her.

Paige sighs, her chin sinking into crossed arms on the table. Just having Emily there to talk to and knowing Emily understood that need to connect leaves Paige at an emotional crossroads. Emily at 14, 17, 103. The passage of time never seems to matter because Emily is her touchstone. She is the center of her universe. All her plans and hopes had Emily in them – either front and center or on the fringes photobombing Paige's thoughts with her beautiful smile. Everything she's done the past five years was for Emily or because of Emily. She still wanted to be good enough for her – it's a routine she realizes she hasn't quite broken.

"Hey, are you all right?" Emily says. "I'm sorry I blew up at you when we got pulled over."

"Naw, that's okay. It would be nice to make it to Pennsylvania in one piece so it was a good reminder." She gives Emily a small smile only to frown when their waitress brings their lunch of two Caesar salads and iced tea. Paige glances at Emily who can only shrug as if to say, _"Shoulda paid more attention."_

* * *

The girls walk slowly down the street outside the restaurant after eating giving their legs one last stretch before getting back on the road. Emily seems content to soak up the sun and breathe in the mountain air. Things just seem cleaner here and she finds it a welcome change from the congestion of San Jose and the oppressive structure of her college years. Paige on the other hand cannot shut down the swirling thoughts in her head. It's obvious to Emily something is going on but she doesn't really know if she has the right to ask anymore.

Oh, what the hell.

"You've been acting weird since this morning. Did I do something wrong?" Emily ventures.

Paige stops walking and sizes Emily up. "I don't know. I'm just really confused, Em. I mean, what's this thing that's happening here? Are we just friends? Or is it more than that? Because I don't know if my heart can take getting over your again. You've always been it for me but we've been apart and I don't know if you are the same person or if I'm the same person we were. Maybe we should just be friends. You know, see what happens. But then again I know that whether I wait or not I'm still going to feel the same way about you." Paige childishly stomps her foot in frustration. "Ugh! This is exhausting."

Emily takes a moment to get her head around all she said but Paige, flushed from emotion, just wants to sink through the cracks in the sidewalk and die. She never should have put herself out there like that. Once upon a time it would have been okay – but not anymore, obviously. "Oh never mind. I shouldn't have said anything."

Emily grabs her arm and pulls her to a stop. "Wait," she says, "Gimme a minute to process here." After a moment she raises her hand to Paige's cheek and her cool fingers and calming presence bring Paige down immediately, her eyes closing as she feels her pulse drop from the stress but bump up again at the realization that Emily's touch still affects her.

"Listen to me," Emily says. "And look at me." Reluctantly Paige opens her eyes seeing Emily's face reflect warmth – understanding – and a little surprise. "I wish I could tell you how I feel but I am just as confused as you are. When you left me I didn't think I would ever get by – but I did. That doesn't mean I didn't miss you or want you back; I just saw that I could still be okay if things didn't work out like I wanted them to. But now? God I don't know – maybe I was wrong about that because I feel like I've been sleepwalking through my life and everything I was sure about is now messed up. Maybe things aren't okay after all, I just don't know."

Emily lowers her hand and grasps Paige's, weaving their fingers together. "Can we just say we don't know, at least for now? Leave the door open? Because the only thing that's worse than trying to deal with my own stuff is seeing how torn up you are and I don't want that."

Paige feels a burden leave her shoulders - not the entire weight, but at least a small part of it. "Angst sucks, Emily."

"I know – but sometimes it's worth it to get to a happy ending, right?"


	9. Chapter 9

_Thank you to everyone for the follows and especially for the reviews – it's hard to see how affected readers are without them so I read every one with relish and gratitude._

_I had a wonderful little write-up prepared in this section trying to get people to give a crap about Paige in real-world PLL but I am kind of at a loss right now. People can be cruel, especially people who ironically feel abandoned and misunderstood themselves. Sometimes they band together in their odd-ness but push away people who don't fit quite into the mold of what they term as acceptable – when they themselves are outcasts. It's a befuddling contradiction and it's only become more pronounced to me as I get older. _

_So this will be the last chapter I post for a little while. I'm burned out and a little bit confused on where to go. I will finish this story – I think it's shitty when people don't finish their stories – but I gotta wonder if this project that started off as practice and has ballooned into much more is worth it. _

_I will talk to you guys very soon. I promise. :)_

Gasping breaths and splattering mud are the only sound around her. She's out of practice so these high mountain trails are a tremendous challenge and they call for her sharp attention. No iPod. No companions. Just Paige, her bike and the muddy path diving into the trees below her.

Plunging into a small ravine Paige still moves at a steady, high-speed clip. She works her front and rear brakes separately to avoid careening into larger rocks and slippery spots, expertly hopping over obstacles while not losing momentum. The crisp early morning air does nothing to slow her accelerated heart rate and breathing. Thoughts about life and love try to sneak in but the slippery, rock-lined terrain won't let her drop her guard. She pushes harder, relishing the chance to block out all the bullshit. Her body screams in protest at every jerk and slip but Paige doesn't listen – she is in her element.

After finishing her ride, Paige wheels her bike toward the bed of their U-Haul. She's covered in blotches of mud and blood, soaked to the bone and happier than she's been in ages. She kicks off her biking shoes and throws them next to her bicycle as she reaches for a pair of Nike jogging shoes she left for the walk back earlier. Ordinarily she'd leave her mud-crusted jacket, helmet and gloves with her shoes but after a few days on the road she thinks a visit to the laundry is badly needed. One last chug from her water bottle draws her attention to the watch on her wrist: 10:00 a.m. Emily is probably waiting for her back at their room so she tosses her Gatorade in a nearby trash can and walks back to their room.

Emily sits on her made bed reading her Facebook feed. Her friend Spencer received two weeks in Europe from her parents upon graduation from Penn so Emily smiles as she reads Spencer's postings and sees pictures of her adventures thus far. She misses her friends desperately but proximity is no longer necessary to maintain their closeness. Maturity has allowed them a freedom they didn't used to have and the girls relish each road trip and adventure they take. They'll be back together soon enough.

As Paige enters the room and Emily sees her state of, well, messiness she drops her phone and walks quickly toward her. "Oh, honey, what happened?" she asks. Paige frowns in confusion glancing behind her to make sure some mysterious half-dead 'honey' didn't follow her into the room. After a few seconds she realizes Emily is talking to her and her heart skips a beat at the endearment. _Honey._ How she's missed that.

Paige smiles. "Oh, I'm okay. I just am a little out of practice and the trail kicked my ass once or twice. It's all good though. I feel awesome!"

Emily takes Paige's face between her hands. "You are a goddamn mess…and you're, bleeding! What the hell, McCullers?" She guides Paige into the bathroom hitting the light switch with her elbow while grabbing a washcloth and cranking the hot water into the sink with one hand, the other still cradling Paige's left cheek. Emily removes her riding helmet and protective clear-lensed Oakleys and sets them on the counter of the bathroom vanity. She dampens the washcloth in the hot water and dabs at Paige's chin and right cheek which both show scrapes from a wipeout. Paige flinches at the pressure but relents to Emily's attentions for the moment. It felt so good to be taken care of for once. _This is the best day EVER,_ she thinks.

Emily works to clean Paige's face of dirt and blood. At a certain point she realizes she is just making a dent in a mountain so she drops the cloth onto the vanity and crosses her arms. "Can I trust you to shower and get all this crap off you? I think you talked about shopping and boats yesterday – and that sounds a lot better than waiting for you to come back here in a body bag at some point." Paige smiles and Emily notes all the mud and dirt in the world could never take away that white, killer smile. It warms her insides and she can't help but return it.

"Yeah, I can do that," Paige answers. "Can you get me a hanger? I wanna hang up these clothes and wash them." Emily moves into the hotel room and grabs a hanger. "We might want to do some laundry later, by the way," Paige says as she strips off her jacket and drops it on the floor. Emily glances back into the bathroom and gulps at what she sees.

Physically Paige has always been gorgeous and that hasn't changed over the past few years. A sweaty t-shirt doesn't hide the flat stomach, broad shoulders and strong arms Emily remembers wistfully. However it's not her physical presence causing Emily to pause right now, it's her demeanor because Paige leans on the vanity looking at her biking war wounds holding an expression Emily has never seen before. The only part of her face not covered in a bloody, dirty mess is the skin around her eyes (protected by her glasses when riding) and her gorgeous teeth that are now visible due to her small, sarcastic grin. Her eyes are dark but the intensity they usually convey wanes – almost like she's turned that emotion off for the time being. Those eyes and that smile pull Emily in as if the person in the mirror is an intriguing stranger, a thought that brings Emily up short.

She loves Paige yet how well does she really know her?

Emily clears her throat and Paige turns to the door, offering her a smile and taking the hanger Emily extends to her. Paige closes the door and Emily returns to sit on her bed as the shower kicks in. She puts up her feet and crosses her arms lost in thought. The idea that she doesn't know Paige as well as she thought scares her. Paige doesn't scare her, how could she, after all? Instead, Emily wonders what else she doesn't know about Paige.

Love is such an all-consuming emotion to Emily and unfortunately it's always blocked out everything else. She had a fatal flaw in her relationships before she began seeing Paige: she made excuses for people. Some people viewed her unwavering faith in people like it was something heroic. She learned it wasn't a strength all the time, though; often it was a tragic weakness. Her blind devotion to Alison plagued her for years. Maya's hot and cold distance never allowed them to have a positive relationship. Only after she met Paige did she find someone worthy of her devotion and her faith because Paige would never intentionally hurt her. Well, at least before she left.

Emily thought she had worked through her issues with blind devotion but seeing this side of Paige she wonders if she was kidding herself. This Paige is wonderful and she wishes she saw her more often – but why didn't she before? Has it always been there and she didn't notice or is this new?

And this is the thought that scares Emily – does this new Paige really want her and can this new person love her how Paige always has or is their connection just a habit and not a love rooted in true devotion?

She wants Paige – but does Paige truly want her in return?

Emily is still deep in thought as she and Paige ride the elevator down to the hotel lobby.

Paige waves her hand in front of Emily's face. "Ground control to Major Tom," she says. Emily looks up and gives Paige a smile. "Sorry, I totally zoned out there."

Emily has been in a weird mood all morning, Paige realizes. _What did I do now?_ "Anything I can help with?" she asks hesitantly.

"Not at all," Emily replies, grabbing Paige's hand and kissing the back of it. The elevator doors open and Emily doesn't let go as they walk through the lobby and out to their truck. Paige sighs in relief.

"So where are we headed first?" Emily asks.

"Wal-mart."

Emily frowns and brings them to a stop. "When I talked about shopping that's not what I meant."

Paige laughs and starts walking again making Emily run to catch up. "Oh, we have a few things to pick up before we go out on the boat," Paige says. "I have to tell you though the Frisco Wal-mart is a bit more high-brow than you'd think."

"There's a story there, I'm sure," Emily says.

"There is! I was in there once over Christmas. I was just minding my own business, eating some French fries in the McDonald's because my parents were shopping and I was bored. As I sat there this guy jets by, head to toe in ski gear – he even had this stupid fur hat on."

Paige becomes completely animated in telling her story and Emily shakes with laughter. One of Paige's hidden talents was storytelling so getting her to describe things always made Emily laugh and marvel at her enthusiasm."Anyway, he's cursing a streak in both English and what I think was French, just cussing, waving his arms around at a couple of the store clerks like they had sold government secrets or something. I have no idea what happened or what he thought they did but I only had one thought: 'Dude, you're in Wal-mart! Seriously!'"

Emily snorts at the thought of a snotty French guy cursing in the middle of Wal-mart. Paige has the best stories, she decides. She takes Paige's arm and holds on tightly as they approach the truck. Paige looks down and smiles as she unlocks the door and pulls it open for Emily to enter. When Emily is settled she swings the door shut then grabs the mirror and pulls herself onto the step up bumper. Emily turns and Paige leans in toward her, "forgetting" the closed window. Her forehead lands against the window with a thud, making Emily laugh harder and beam the biggest smile she's ever seen. Paige feigns injury and rubs her forehead as she jumps off the bumper. She looks again at Emily who shakes her head through her laughter.

_Awesome day,_ Paige thinks. _Best. Day. Ever._


	10. Chapter 10

_Sorry I've been away for so long. I fully intended on only taking a break for a couple weeks but, in my infinite wisdom, I forgot July is second only to December in terms of hellish busy-ness for me. It's crazy. Anyway, thanks for the new followers and notes asking me if I died. I did not. Though I feel like it since I have a sucky head cold and other health maladies that just serve to tire me out and piss me off. _

_I will get on an update schedule again now that it's August (where has this summer gone?). So that's good. And I'm really plagued about the show's plotline of Paige going to Stanford. When I was writing I wanted to send one of the girls to Stanford but felt it was kind of unrealistic. I guess that's why the writers write the show and I write fan fiction, eh?_

* * *

With this being the off-season Paige and Emily are fortunately able to dodge any would-be European shoppers as they wander around Walmart. They run across a few customers in questionable attire (moose slippers - really?) but are still able to get in and out of the store in a few minutes.

Paige throws their purchases onto the truck seat and jumps behind the wheel. Emily soon follows on the passenger side and dives into the bags like a kid on Christmas morning, making Paige smile broadly. With everything she's been through Emily still maintains an air of innocence about her. She makes people believe in themselves because she believes in them so much – gaps of low self-esteem fill quickly with her faith in them. It was a heady feeling being loved and trusted by Emily Fields.

Spying a black hat amongst their Walmart booty Paige grabs it and tears the tag off with her teeth. She bends the bill and holds it up admiring her handiwork. "C-R?" Emily asks. "Colorado Rockies," Paige says. "The sun is bright today and it might get a little windy so I figured a hat might be a good idea for you."

Emily eyes the cap with revulsion. "There's no freaking way I'm wearing a hat," she says. Paige is nonplussed. "Those fancy pants sunglasses ain't gonna cut it, Fields. They distort the colors and believe me you will want to see the blue sky today." Emily doesn't look quite convinced. "Also, I think girls in ponytails and hats are sexy." A second barely passes before Emily tears the hat from Paige's hands, throwing it on the dash as she knots her hair into a loose ponytail. "I hate you," Emily mutters.

A sign for the Frisco Bay Marina greets Paige and Emily a few minutes later when they approach the lake. Emily thinks Paige wasn't exaggerating – the sky above rippled with robin's egg blue and the occasional cotton candy wisp of a cloud. She turns to Paige who is occupied with sorting items in their Walmart bags. She glances out the windshield at the view and back at Paige. Her heart skips a beat when she realizes the view inside the claustrophobic U-Haul was a thousand times more breathtaking than the towering Rockies surrounding them. Emily gives herself a shake and jumps out of the truck.

As she looks toward the marina office Paige's approach is marked by crunching gravel. She feels Paige's hand grasp her own, the touch of their palms and fingers bringing a rush of memories to Emily. It's so overwhelming she can hardly stand it. God, this girl – woman – in front of her. It's hard to figure out what she wants most from Paige. That look only Paige gives her? Maybe a kiss? Possibly followed by a night of unbridled, crazy passion? She's so confused right now. Oh, her feelings are crystal clear – but what should she do about them?

They enter the marina office and Paige hands Emily the Walmart bags she carried from the truck. "I made reservations last night so I'll check in and see when we can go." Paige turns to a woman behind a counter and Emily shoots a glance around looking for a seat. As she makes her way to a chair a booming voice blasts behind them. "Paige McCullers, you little shit! Thought you'd come to my lake and steal a ride without me knowing?" Emily starts but her memory soon recognizes that voice.

"Uncle Bob?" Paige utters with surprise.

Bob McCullers is an imposing man. Paige once thought they used him as the model for the Brawny paper towel man but in time she realized Uncle Bob is too much humanity to be contained on a simple roll of paper towels.

Since they were boys he and Paige's dad were at each other. Complete opposites in temperament they bashed heads in every conversation and took competitiveness to another level in every arena – school, sports, life. Only when Bob lost his wife to cancer did he take stock. He had a son in college he hardly knew. He had a job he despised and a home with too many memories. So he did the most logical thing in the world: he went to truck driving school and began long haul trucking. He loved seeing the country and was thrilled when his son Liam joined him on the road during his breaks at college.

Due to his heart attack Nick McCullers is learning to take stock, just like his brother. And as Paige watches Bob guide them toward his sailboat she hopes her dad can be as light-hearted in a few years as her uncle is now.

Bob jumps on board his sailboat, named "Jewel of the Mile", and offers a hand to Paige to help her board as well. With Emily, though, he grabs her around the waist and swallows her in a bear hug as he spins and drops her to her feet on the deck.

"Aw, Emily, I've missed your funny face," he says. Emily blushes at this, after a rocky start Bob was always her favorite McCullers at holiday gatherings. "I've missed you, too," she replies. "Where's Liam these days?"

Paige guides Emily to the front of the boat as Bob prepares to launch. "Where isn't he is a better question," Bob states. He unmoors then tosses lines onto the deck that bind the boat to the dock. The boat immediately starts to drift. He expertly aims the boat into the wind causing the sails to snap – but this isn't his first rodeo and he quickly gets the sails under control as the boat slowly skips out further into the reservoir.

"Li is down in Denver these days," Bob says. "He was laid off from his job and is now trying to 'find himself'. That's fine for now. The economy sucks and I don't want him to waste his skills in a crap job – plus, if he did take a job like that he'd leave in a second once something better came along and loyalty means something to him."

"He's his father's son," Emily smiles. Bob laughs. "Maybe so."

Bob turns his attention to navigating the boat through the reservoir traffic leaving Emily to survey her surroundings. It is breathtaking – the water is clear and reflects the blue sky and clouds that dot the horizon. Mountains rear up offering a black and green contrast to the sky – nature's perfect way of color coordinating. She slides down next to Paige on the boat deck, adjusting her cap to block the sun's intense rays.

"Man, it's bright," Paige says squinting into the distance. Emily shakes her head. "You were all concerned about getting a hat for me that you forgot your own?"

Paige shrugs. "No I didn't forget."

"Well, why don't you put it on?"

"Because you'll probably make fun of me."

Emily laughs. "I don't need to see a hat to make fun of you. You pretty much handle that without assistance."

Paige smirks and aims her left elbow at Emily's midsection. "You will never change." Deciding humiliation is preferable to a sunburn, Paige reaches inside her jacket and pulls out a white hat. She pulls it on and, sure enough, Emily bursts into hysterical laughter.

"You look like Gilligan!" Emily roars. Paige expected a bit of laughter and teasing but Emily's current state of hysteria takes her by surprise. "Are you all right?" she asks.

Emily slows her laughter and grabs at her stomach, aching after laughing so intensely. "Oh yeah, I'm fine, little buddy!" This launches her into even more laughter and Paige decides moping at the back of the boat by her uncle is preferable to Emily's laughter, as beautiful and melodic as it is. As she gets to her feet Emily grabs her hand. "Where are you going? I was just funning with you."

Paige looks down at their joined hands. It seems every time they touch, either intentionally or in passing, her brain turns to oatmeal and her sense of direction gets turned around like a broken compass. It's always been that way for her – just a single touch or smile from Emily sends her heart into overdrive and she can't really decide if that's a good thing or not.

It's a beautiful day to be on the water, though. A great day to take in the mountain air and relish the time she has left with Emily, for as much as they ignore it, once this trip is over they will ultimately go their separate ways. It hurts Paige's heart to think of that, however, so she decides to just take it as it comes as she sits back down on the boat deck next to Emily.

"I didn't hurt your feelings, did I?" says Emily. "I didn't mean to. It's like, you know you look kinda goofy so it wasn't really shocking that I laughed."

"Emily, you didn't just laugh – you projectile vomited your amusement all over me."

She knows Paige isn't angry – but Emily still wants to make sure she didn't hurt her feelings. "I'm sorry, honey." Paige turns to Emily and offers a tiny smile. "It's okay, and on the bright side I know my ears aren't going to burn again."

"You burned your ears?"

"Yeah, when I was a kid I went out on a boat with my dad and burned the crap out of my earlobes. They hurt but it passed until I took a shower a few weeks later and they just started to randomly peel. Scared the crap out of me, I thought I was molting or something."

Emily offers Paige a grin and grabs her left hand with her right, intertwining their fingers as she rests her head on Paige's shoulder. They sit quietly for a few moments before Emily whispers, "If I am honest it's kind of a cute hat." Paige smirks and leans her head onto Emily's, trying desperately to seal this moment in time.


	11. Chapter 11

_Sorry for such a short update here. In hindsight I should have tacked this onto the previous chapter but, well, I just didn't. It makes more sense on it's own than putting it with the following chapter so that's what we have._

_Their foray into Denver will follow soon - thanks for reading, reviewing and for the notes!_

DAY FIVE – FRISCO (Part 3)

The rest of the day came off without a hitch. After their boat ride Emily, Paige and Bob ate subs at a local restaurant and talked about the girls' trip so far. Neither could believe it had only been five days – it felt strange to be back together and on the same schedule, almost like they'd never been apart…except they had and both realized ignoring their past issues couldn't go on forever. That was a conversation neither was relishing.

Shopping at the outlet mall in Silverthorne was next on the agenda, thanks to Emily. Paige had promised shopping was part of the day and she really tried to play along but she runs out of gas about an hour into the trip. Her bike ride and the bright sun on the boat took what little energy she had left so Emily trudges off on her own promising to call Paige every 15 minutes while she's gone.

Paige buys a Coke at a shop in the mall and takes it outside. She thinks about walking around a bit but knows that defeats the purpose of resting so she finds a nearby bench and takes a seat. Her eyes begin to droop and she doesn't realize she's fallen asleep until her phone starts buzzing. She looks down expecting to see Emily's check-in but another name pops up on the caller ID. Rubbing at her eyes she's able to manage a groggy " 'lo?"

"P-Mac, you rock star! How's it shakin' bay-bee?"

Paige is constantly amazed at her cousin Liam's ability to be chipper at any time, day or night. However, she has never been able to figure out if that or his annoying nicknames bother her more.

"Trying to rest, how 'bout you, Li?"

"My shit is drama, P."

"As always," Paige sighs. "Jobless again?"

"Yeah, I guess you talked to Papa Bob."

"That I did." Paige looks around wondering if Emily has had enough of the outlets but rolls her eyes immediately at herself – this is Emily, she could plant roots in a shopping center.

"Well, he is right. I am way too talented to waste my time with piss ant jobs. I would rather use my time more constructively."

Paige huffs a laugh. "More like you'd rather blow your unemployment check on booze and hot wings."

Liam laughs in return and Paige smiles. "So, P, when are you getting down here to the real world again? You're not going to blow through town and ignore me, are you?"

Clouds have begun to roll in from the west shielding Paige from the sun. She looks up and wonders about the possibility of rain – one more thing to worry about during the drive if they headed down the foothills tonight.

"We'll probably pull in tomorrow morning," she says. "Get a good dinner tonight and head out after breakfast. I'll drop you a text when we're on 25."

Emily approaches Paige with shopping bags filling her grasp. She drops next to her on the bench and spreads out her arms, closing her eyes and yawning dramatically.

"I better go," Paige says. She mouths "Liam" to Emily who smiles and gives Paige the finger. "Oh, Emily says 'Hi'."

"Give her the bird for me too, P-Mac, I can't wait to see your dog face," says Liam.

"God, you're an ass," Paige whines and Liam laughs before hanging up. Paige slips her phone back into her pocket and turns to Emily. "I guess we're hanging out with Liam tomorrow."

Emily giggles like a five-year-old. "Trouble, trouble, trouble! I can't wait!" She claps her hands and reaches for her shopping bags as she rises. Putting the bag handles in her left hand she reaches for Paige with her right. She grasps her hand and pulls her up, leading her to the parking lot.


	12. Chapter 12

_Hello all. Next update will be very soon. This has been the hardest section to start for some reason. Everything's mapped out but the individual sections are hit and miss. Enjoy!_

* * *

DAY SIX – DENVER

"Pay attention, you ass!"

Paige sighs exasperated with herself for overlooking Emily's road rage tendencies. She was sick of driving so she figured a break would be nice. A slow, easy drive down into Denver would be just the ticket.

Only now does Paige remember why she always drives in the city: Emily becomes a nightmare on the road. It's not that she's a bad driver, just the opposite, actually. Instead, Emily loves to keep a running commentary on everyone else's driving which always devolves into cursing, shaking fists and frustrated huffing. When Paige first saw Emily's maniacal attitude when driving she thought it was funny and a little cute. Today, though – as it has many times in the past – it's literally and figuratively driving Paige up the wall.

"Em, would you please calm down? We're almost to our exit and I don't want some loony with a grudge against gorgeous ex-swimmers to hunt us down," says Paige.

"But did you see that guy? He crossed three lanes of traffic! I mean, he could have caused a huge accident and this damn tin can would crumple into a ball if we got hit!"

Paige sighs again and offers a mental apology to the U-Haul company for Emily's lack of faith in their product. The truck has run great for their trip and Paige certainly doesn't want to invite bad karma due to Emily's irrational yet adorable anger issues.

Paige looks at the directions her cousin Liam sent to her phone. "We're at our exit, make sure you're to the left so we can get that turning lane we need," says Paige.

"I know!" shouts Emily.

As the truck rolls to a stop at the light on the off-ramp Paige growls. "I am never going to let you drive in traffic again. Never ever ever ever ever ever!" Emily turns to her and scoffs causing Paige to turn the knife a bit more. "Never ever. Never. Not in this or any other lifetime."

Emily knows Paige is just venting and just like that her anger diffuses. She marvels at how it works – just when her judgment gets clouded and she gets crazy and irrational Paige can just bring her back with little effort at all. She missed that. _I guess that's why they say some people ground you,_ she thinks.

Smiling Emily looks at Paige and shoves her shoulder. "You are such a tough guy." Paige plays hurt, rubbing her shoulder and gasping in pain. "You are a brute," Paige says. "Help, police! I'm being abused by this really hot brute!"

"Really hot, you say?" Emily says quietly.

"No duh, Emily." Paige rolls her eyes. "But are you ignoring the 'brute' part? That was kind of the whole point."

"I'm just choosing to ignore it," Emily answers. Paige sits for a moment trying to figure her way out of this completely weird conversation when the truck's horn blast startles her from her thoughts.

"The light is green, dumb shit, go already!" shouts Emily.

* * *

As they park Paige looks up, up, up at Liam's building. She cannot believe this is where her cousin lives. Sure, the address says "Park Avenue" but really, where other than New York does that matter? In Denver, she guesses.

She grabs her bag from the back of the truck and hands Emily her suitcase. The drive was short but stressful so the girls really need a rest from the chaos and, frankly, from each other. Spending almost a week solid with just one person tends to wear on anyone and with the push and pull of their feelings they can both use some down time.

Liam buzzes them into the building and they walk through a pretty swanky lobby to reach the elevators. "Jeesh, this place is really fancy," says Emily and Paige nods, not really knowing how Liam managed to get such expensive digs. Uncle Bob said he was unemployed…right?

Paige reaches out and punches the button for the elevator and when it arrives they proceed to the 14th floor, home to Liam's condo. She barely raises her hand to knock when it flies open and Emily is grabbed for a fierce hug. "Emsy, Emsy, you amazing piece of shit! I missed you so, my love!" Emily drops the handle of her suitcase and laughs as Liam backs into the condo and spins her around in his arms. "Put me down, Li!" Emily says trying to regain her breath from laughing.

Paige stands in the doorway watching this display with a mix of shock and annoyance. Li and Emily's relationship always mystified her – the pair always flirted shamelessly with each other when nothing would ever come of it. Little did Paige know the main reason for the flirting was just to get a rise out of her and it always worked. Li drops Emily back to her feet and gives her a genuine, affectionate hug. "I'm so glad you're here, Emily." He looks over Emily's shoulder and sees Paige waiting patiently for her greeting. "Oh, hi P," he says stepping away from their hug then grabbing Emily's suitcase and pulling it into the condo.

Paige huffs but follows him in. She gets a good look at him for the first time in months – his dark brown hair is a bit too long and has a bit of curl to it. He's taken to wearing glasses and that with his lanky, six-foot-tall frame pegs him as a serious, hard core nerd. Girls historically never gave him the time of day but then he'd unveil his smile, a white, gleaming toothpaste commercial grin and somehow his geeky appearance didn't matter anymore.

Looking around his condo Paige felt even more confusion about her cousin. He was a charmer, for sure, but how is he managing this? "Liam, this place is unreal," Emily says. She stands in front of floor-to-ceiling windows that frame the downtown Denver skyline. It's one of the rare Front Range days where smog doesn't distort the view and she can see for miles in each direction. The view is only a small part of the condo's appeal, though. It is decorated like a catalog for Crate and Barrel, the space's open floor plan running kitchen into dining room into living room and out to a sizeable deck overlooking the view.

"Thanks! It cost a mint but it's awesome, isn't it?" Liam says proudly. Paige squints at him, then around the condo, then back at him again. Liam sees her confusion but God forbid he clear it up for her voluntarily.

"Okay, Liam, spill. How did you afford this place?" Paige asks, dropping onto a nearby loveseat and settling in for a story.

Emily is preoccupied with scoping out the condo so Liam can do nothing but acknowledge Paige's question.

"You know my mom died." Paige closes her eyes and shakes her head, already exasperated at the direction this story is going. Liam chuckles to himself. "Duh, of course you know that.

"Well, she left me a little money from her life insurance policy. But I blew through that pretty quickly so I was out of a job and pretty broke. I remembered this friend of mine from out here who I'd meet up with sometimes when we'd come to ski at Christmas," Liam says.

Paige holds up her hand to stop him. "You are talking about your dealer, aren't you?"

Liam shrugs. "The phrase 'High Country' was popular long before I went there. Anyway…" Paige motions for him to continue.

"This friend ran into me the last trip we took out here with Mom. We talked a little bit and when she heard Mom was sick she told me her, well, services might be of some use. I told her I couldn't imagine my mother smoking a joint but she said she wouldn't have to. And she didn't – it turns out she put the stuff in some brownies and dropped them off at the cabin. I came back a few hours later and my mom was high as the Hubble telescope but happy – her nausea from chemo was almost gone."

Of all the things in the world the last thing Paige expected to hear was how her aunt got high off pot brownies and her shocked face was enough to send Emily (who'd come back into the room) into a hysterics. Paige turned and gave her a dirty look. "She was a grown-up Paige, anything that could make her comfortable when she was sick is okay by me," Emily says.

Liam grins at her but Paige is still uncomfortable with the whole visual. "Mom did say the brownies were a bit dry and that she'd probably use Grandma's recipe if she ever made them herself but we never really got around to it. She went into hospice a few weeks later."

Liam gets a far-away look for just a moment before shrugging and continuing with his story.

"So, when I lost my job I kind of moped around for a while, feeling sorry for myself. I mean, I'm a handsome, well-educated dude with my own car and apartment yet I couldn't nail down a job. I eventually went up to Frisco to stay with Dad when he was home for a few days and ran into my friend…"

"Can we just give this friend a name?" Paige says.

Liam thinks for a moment. "Let's call her 'Flower'," Liam replies.

"Are you kidding?" Paige asks. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Where the hell did you come up with a name like that?"

"Umm, because that's her name – Flower." Liam smiles and Emily breaks into laughter yet again. As per usual she's taking quite a liking to Paige's discomfort. "Her name is Flower and she's a 50-something grandmother who makes stained glass windows and maintains a…garden, I guess.

"I got an idea when I saw her again. I asked her how the whole brownie thing worked. We sat down and outlined some things, like how to maximize her harvest, how to tweak Grandma's brownie recipe for big batches, that kind of thing. When I looked up a year later I was raking in the dough. And now that pot is legal in Colorado…" he says.

"You are in fat city," Paige finishes, in utter disbelief.

"'Chronic Brownies' are all the rage," he says in satisfaction. "Available in classic chocolate, triple chunk chocolate and, coming soon, milk chocolate with walnuts."

And so there they are, the three of them taking in Liam's rise in the baked baking world – Liam self-satisfied, Emily crying from laughter and Paige mystified at Liam's luck. After a few minutes Paige breaks the silence.

"Well, Mr. Money Bags, you're buying our dinner," she says. "Hamburger Mary's?"

"You're on!" Liam says.


End file.
